Elevator Love Letter

Elevator Love Letter

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Friday, May 8, 2009 at 2:39am | Edit Note | Delete

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Doesn't matter how tough we are, trauma always leaves a scar.

It follows us home, it changes our lives, trauma messes everybody up, but maybe that's the point.

All the pain and the fear and the crap. Maybe going through all of that is what keeps us moving forward.

It's what pushes us.

Maybe we have to get a little messed up, before we can step up..

*courtesy of GA, S05E20 "Elevator ♡ Letter"*

Dear Jesus..

Crucified,

laid behind the stone,

u lived to die,

rejected and alone

Like ɑ rose trampled on the ground,

You took the fall, and thought of me.. Above all..

Why do we forget?

He never does!

Every time I fall and cry, He's there watching me and am sure He's sad that I'm not running towards HIM right away.. His arms are wide open waiting for me to surrender and His warmth love will cater me... I ♡ YOU..

Dear God,

I know I nvr been ɑ good girl, I constantly fighting over something and most of the time I thought I'm bigger than You.. But never,u never let me go out of ur sight..

People talk, people lie, people get so ill they cant see what I see anymore.. When I'm alone in the crowd, when I feel I don't fit in, I'm expecting the unexpected and I forget You.. I'm sorry.. Please forgive me.

Jesus I ♡ you, yes I do.. Tonight I need an additional session cause I feel ɑ lil down. I know you are here so I'm talking to you, help me, guide me dear Jesus.. Be my one and only light, assure me about future, that you will walk beside me like always so I don't have to be worry.. I will walk like ɑ soldier, burn all the worries aside, cuz tomorrow is another day and I wanna taste the smell of the morning sun!

You lived to die, fear won't stop you down, why would it stop me? I will embrace tomorrow even if I'm weaker, I will be strong with You.. I'm scared but you will always be here with me,no freaking way I won't let go of Your hands, I will stay close..

Remind me to be thankful, for the nice coffee I can have, for the sweet talks with best friends, for the song ɑ best friend sang, for the healthy parents, for the long distanced friendship and for all that it takes to get me here.. Thank you Lord!

My prayers will never be perfect, but I know You know what's best for me.. please don't let me go.. If you ever take me, that's because you love me so much.. Make me believe and make me strong.. Thank you Jesus, in the name of You I pray...

Amen!

dear Jesus...

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Wednesday, June 10, 2009 at 4:57am | Edit Note | Delete

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all i want..

All I want is lots of cuddles and kisses in bed, iloveyous are considerably tolerated, roses are acceptable, being clingy is one way around, no fuzz baby hush, life's too complicated for labels..

love's supposed to be easy..
not like this..

all i want..

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Thursday, July 9, 2009 at 12:49am | Edit Note | Delete

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merasai mati..

Aku duduk diam dalam gelap coba rasakan mati.
aku ingin mengecap mati.
Apakah sesakit duduk diam tertusuk pisau tajam di dekat hati? nyaris mati tapi tidak mati.. ingin mati cepat namun tidak cukup cepat untuk lewati hidup.
Persetan itu dunia! sakit ini seperti candu ternyata! aku sampai terengah kenikmatan,rasanya seperti kerinduan untuk duduk diam dekat Tuhan!
Santai berpeluh,kunikmati detik demi detik dekati mati..
apa perlu kulambaikan tangan pada dunia? ya setidaknya mereka yg buat aku mengecap bahagia kematian,tanpa mereka rasanya aku akan takut mati! baik,tunggu aku lebih dekat lagi,sampai rintihanku mengeras tanda tak kuat dan kudapati diriku tak sanggup lagi melambai, itu saatku pergi, dan kulihat dari jauh, dunia yang melambai padaku..

Mereka pasti kehilanganku!!!

merasai mati

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Wednesday, July 22, 2009 at 2:13am | Edit Note | Delete

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talking about tommorow..

Are u afraid?
How are u holding on?

Do u have vision about this?
On how the memory slides, one scene at a time, on and on..
Pictures slide... guide you from the point where the childhood took part..
All the way to your adults life..
One by one, it slides and strikes your mind with memories..

Bittersweet symphony,
Life it is!

Diagnosed with some illness, struck by all the nasty feeling, drown in disappointments, can't help but feeling like a burden, self pity.... and shit, life's a horny bitch..

Why not live for today?
Cherish every minute, every hour in every day..
Smile when u wake up in d morning, gratefully thank Lord for one more day on Earth..

Tomorrow is another day,
Why worry too much?

And when it is time, sure you'd be prepared.. You'll never get enough of world, won't you.. One blink and POP, its gone!!

But tomorrow is just another day..
Why worry too much?

For He loves u so much, and up there is a better place..



"Morning bell morning bell light another candle release me release me.."

(Radiohead - its 7.04 and I'm awake, not good.. Not good at all!!)

talking about tomorrow..

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Saturday, August 22, 2009 at 7:20am | Edit Note | Delete

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09.09 am

0909 I'm still awake,
wondering thinking
Can't help myself
Ooh you're too beautiful

Promise myself to get ɑ grip
Not to make ɑ fool of me
No no no you're too beautiful
ɑ kind that makes me lose control

0909 yesterday
Morning was wonderful
Sun shining
behind your pretty smile

0909 yesterday
A minute changed my life
Grasping gashing
Ooh I fell in love


0909 I'm still awake
Wondering thinking
If u still remember
Me, or its just ɑ dream

0909 was when my life stopped,

and started to evolve around you...
You you you..

and in a blink away,
You are gone..

i love you Jesus :)

*source: www.donghaeng.net

my 16 :)

Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 16 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 16 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you..

1. I am a happy person, smiles make me LIVE LIFE the way i want it..

2. I love butterflies and thinks i'm one in my past life.. they can fly and they are beautiful, they can make people smile :) just like angels..

3. Everyday in my life i learn to forgive in so many ways, that way i will stay healthy, body and soul..

4. I do believe in miracles, in so many ways.. I'm a nerve wreck, this thoughts help me a lot in interview, presentation, doctor visits, bla bla bla..

5. I am a SURVIVOR, just like my girl Nannete right there.. :)) we smile throu the pain cuz we know we're gifted, He made us special cause He knows we're stronger than the rest :))

6. My mom always told me not to touch or sit or hang around any.. (i mean ANYTHING) fragile and breakable.. she knows me best!hehe..

7. I love shoes!!!!!! SNEAKERS, flats, platforms, peep toe, ANY KIND of them.. and i like a man with nice kicks :) *hahaha..colongan abiss!*

8. I used to think 2008 is a breakdown for me (thank God i have my beautiful circle that keep me strong!).. but lately i think 2008 is a reminder to be very careful with what u do in life.. In 2008 i decided to quit everything i NEED to do and do what i WANT to do.. embrace life, wooohooo!!!

9. I love my family: I worship my dadda kumis soooo much, sometimes i think i have this father complex disorder! and i always think i'm way more mature than my mamam and my sister.. *ups!!* My brother is the sweetest kid, he's always the one reminding me to check up.. KIEL is the apple of my eye!! *gremeethhhh*

10. People always think i'm waaaaay younger than my actual age, i have no idea why!! my bestfriends said its because I'm too colorful, both in appearance and personality.. Is it?? ah, whatever.. i love being young :))

11. I don't dig fancy dining.. food is just food, why pay rocket high??

12. Beverages: Starbucks caramel frappucino with extra java chips, Hot Vanilla latte, and BIR BINTANG!!!!!

13. I have the worst sense of direction. Driving helped me a lot! I just had the guts to drive to Plaza Senayan on my own from my Semanggi campus on my 3rd year of study! hahaha

14. I always wanted to eat something else, but when i'm already in the canteen and the "AKAK" ask me what to eat, i always reply: "DRY CHILI Chicken 1, Kak.." I don't freaking know why!!!!!

15. I always have targets in life i wanna achieve, now i'm pursuing one by going back to school!! finger crossed i hope i can finish this before my next birthday!!

16. I prefer people calling me "DHA" than "wid".. <-- It sounds so serious!! (besides, some people only call me WIDYA when they are mad..)


*FINISH!!!! oh mi god!!! 16 turned to be a really long post!! :))

a blue clue..

"gimme a clue that sticks like glue, 

not a clue that makes me blue.."

rusa - singa

Tapi apalah artinya berkawan dengan singa,bila rusa gemuk seperti aku ini tak pandai berlawan..

Jurang memang dalam tapi bisa terlompat, panah pemburu pun masih bisa tertinggal bila kulari tinggalkan padang..

Tapi kawan satu yang sedang bersiku mengikir kuku tajam pasti akan menyerang tanpa ampun bila saatnya tiba perutnya keroncongan.

Bapuk!

I'm happy. Are you???

too many questions being asked.
not like a-how-are-you-today but more like wad-happened-are-u-hurted.
too many sad things written i guess its just too obvious.

love me love me not.
not a question, more like a never ending effort to put all the broken pieces.

it takes two to tango.
maybe tango is not that attractive no more, people prefer shuffle.
maybe i-love-you is not as massive as i-loath-you.
maybe its the dance, maybe its the dancers.
maybe another dancer can swirl better.
maybe its just it.

taken away by the drama-diorama of the brokenhearted.
deep inside, heart knows its a relieved to smell the hidden trash.
understand the value of believing and accepting things that come in a wrong way..

believe in a better days.
as a great writer (AndyLaver) said maybe "its not always rainbows and butterflies"
its just life, i've been better but its not the worst.

don't hate. i wont throw shit talks.
an adult has to say what needs to be said. just dont use "trash" words
two dancers know the dance, the audiences do not have the clue.
just keep it that way. 


Everybody knows, but nobody really knows..
and I wish you the best.. i guess.. 

.done.with.drama.i.got.my.ecstasy.

random-heart

I wanna know who is this girl whos wearing my clothes n using my body..
Is she always here?

or only when u are around?



.randomheart.

blabber-mouth

why hating?
its not wise to call a shot to someone who's always been there for you..
waiting and betrayed..
so later you call her jerk!

not much of a hero when you call it quit!
ain't no romance can do much harm to a queen.
she is still a queen not a jerk..
she still lives her happy life with smiles in her face.

even a blind can see how big the mess u made,
no matter what you say, its a matter of what you see..

no longer a man, no longer a person to count on,
u still have life to continue.
like a bunch of stuff you've been neglected.
its okay its just fine.

i really hope you have eyes at the back of your head,
so you can see THE QUEEN smiling when you walked away,
left her with the lies u made..


now i know now i know, 
i wont fall back i wont run, 
i will just stand still and see you making up another lie..
its more fun this way..

-The Queen-

to go or not to go..

So many times I was ready to go.. So many times I had my foot out the door... So many times I thought to give him a chance, thought he'd be a better man... Now I'm sitting here and I'm so confused.. Cuz I keep fighting myself for you.. I don't know how much more I can take but I can't feel this way.. You got me so torn... Cuz I really wanna be with you.. But something's telling me I should leave you alone...

LeToya-Torn

for being 25th...

30.12.08 23.45..

I am on the way to Kuala Perlis

Seconds away from being 25..

A bus, strange place to think about the whole quarter of life..

What happened? 

A law degree, a trip to jerusalem, Works, a family i nver had turned to be my sholders to cry on, fallin in love, hearbreaks, cancer, malaysia.. Lots of things happened..

A bus, yes im in a bus to langkawi with 15 other friends..

A strange place for a reflection momento right? Im in a single seat so yeah, here i am writing..

Many things, many regrets, many tears but the laughters are deff the best,God..

I am so thankful fo stil being here.. 

i made mistakes... i learned.. 

i said to many sorry, to God especially..

maaf Tuhan, saya masih bandel..

Im carrying this dissease dan masih bandel..

Maaf mamam papap.. masih sering bohong yang gak penting..

Sorry friends.. for not being there when u all need me the most..

sorry love, for havent found youuu.....

Am so thankful GOD.. for this 25 years full of suprise..

I know the next door will be opened for me..soon..

just when d right time comes.. :)

updated:

31.12.08

Thank you for allll the sms, walls, msgs, calls...aku sayang kalian semuaa!!!

Thank you papa si dadda kumis ayangku..for being the first one with the words that made me cried alone in the dark..hehe..i lve you!! 

and the most.....i thank all the guys who went to celebrate my bday and nu year in Langkawi..

i had sooo much funnnn!!!!!! SUPERB Holiday!!!!!!!

blew bday candles in the bus stop..

cant mention namesss, u know who you areeee!!!!

LOVE YOU ALLLLLL!!!!

Godspeed!